There are many and varied ways in which Japanese and American cultures differ. Some are more amusing, comical, saddening, sobering, enlightening, or as in this case, frustrating, than others.
The difference in question is the acceptable way to insist on getting a certain answer, or pressuring someone into agreeing with your request (which is perhaps an order disguised as a request).
As an American, I learned that if I really wanted something from someone, I needed to use "more." More intensity. More volume (of voice). More eye contact. More direct phrasing. And so on and so forth. American communication is probably seen as a bit crude by... well, a lot of people, largely due to that tendency.
The Japanese policy, on the other hand, emphasizes subtlety and persistence, over displays of emotion or overt intimidation. They will often maintain an extremely even keel, but just repeat their preference over and over again. Or perhaps just try to wait you out. (Anyone remember that bar scene in the George Clooney-version of Ocean's 11? Like that) But that subtlety in no way equates to the Japanese being unable to push for what they want.
What it does equate to, though, is a huge, cavernous, bottomless cultural gap that bumbling USA'ers like mahself are bound to careen straight into.
I have had my share of experiences with this. Usually it happens when one of my coworkers asks me a question about English. If the answer I give isn't in line with what the textbook says (usually a grammatical difference), they will repeat, "But the textbook says XYZ" until I go blue in the face explaining that people don't always follow the linguistic rules. They WANT me to agree with the text, and they will (politely) brow beat me into doing so.
Well, that's a bit exaggerated. And I'm no push-over. So usually they end up relenting, reluctantly nodding and "naruhodo"-ing in understanding.
But recently I had a related experience that、while it irritated me at first, in retrospect was a blessing in disguise. I'd fallen into the habit of having a large-ish snack at my desk in the morning, which I needed due to the fact that I wake up quite early (5:30 am). Well, upon giving me my reappointment certificate for this year, my principal mentioned I shouldn't eat "breakfast" at my desk. He told me to alter my routine such that I didn't have to do that.
The command rubbed me the wrong way for a while. Until I read an account on another blog about someone who nearly got fired for interpreting what was posed as a question, as a question. They were called in to work on their day off, and mistakenly assumed they were being asked if they could, rather than being told to.
Then I realized: I was fortunate it wasn't sugar-coated that way for me. I wasn't given the chance to misinterpret, and that's a good thing. While I still find the rationale behind the order a bit grating (basically I couldn't look appropriately busy if I was noshing), I'm grateful I didn't have to deal with the Japanese beating-around-the-bush style of issuing imperatives. So to my principal, thank you for dealing with me on my own linguistic terms (culturally, that is; he was speaking in Japanese).
For those who are looking to work with/around/under Japanese people, here's my advice. Ask. If you're not sure whether some need or directive is being tactfully understated, ask. And if you feel adamantly about something, but someone doesn't want to accept a no, or whatever your answer is, stand your ground. Perhaps explain that your answer won't change if they keep asking. Perhaps offer to do something else extra to placate them. But don't get angry. It won't get you anywhere, and it will probably make future interactions way more difficult.
Anywho, here's to bridging the cultural gaps that divide us.
Mata kondo.
P.S. - Please go read Shari's blog. She's a stellar writer and has been in Japan way, way longer than I have.
The difference in question is the acceptable way to insist on getting a certain answer, or pressuring someone into agreeing with your request (which is perhaps an order disguised as a request).
As an American, I learned that if I really wanted something from someone, I needed to use "more." More intensity. More volume (of voice). More eye contact. More direct phrasing. And so on and so forth. American communication is probably seen as a bit crude by... well, a lot of people, largely due to that tendency.
The Japanese policy, on the other hand, emphasizes subtlety and persistence, over displays of emotion or overt intimidation. They will often maintain an extremely even keel, but just repeat their preference over and over again. Or perhaps just try to wait you out. (Anyone remember that bar scene in the George Clooney-version of Ocean's 11? Like that) But that subtlety in no way equates to the Japanese being unable to push for what they want.
What it does equate to, though, is a huge, cavernous, bottomless cultural gap that bumbling USA'ers like mahself are bound to careen straight into.
I have had my share of experiences with this. Usually it happens when one of my coworkers asks me a question about English. If the answer I give isn't in line with what the textbook says (usually a grammatical difference), they will repeat, "But the textbook says XYZ" until I go blue in the face explaining that people don't always follow the linguistic rules. They WANT me to agree with the text, and they will (politely) brow beat me into doing so.
Well, that's a bit exaggerated. And I'm no push-over. So usually they end up relenting, reluctantly nodding and "naruhodo"-ing in understanding.
But recently I had a related experience that、while it irritated me at first, in retrospect was a blessing in disguise. I'd fallen into the habit of having a large-ish snack at my desk in the morning, which I needed due to the fact that I wake up quite early (5:30 am). Well, upon giving me my reappointment certificate for this year, my principal mentioned I shouldn't eat "breakfast" at my desk. He told me to alter my routine such that I didn't have to do that.
The command rubbed me the wrong way for a while. Until I read an account on another blog about someone who nearly got fired for interpreting what was posed as a question, as a question. They were called in to work on their day off, and mistakenly assumed they were being asked if they could, rather than being told to.
Then I realized: I was fortunate it wasn't sugar-coated that way for me. I wasn't given the chance to misinterpret, and that's a good thing. While I still find the rationale behind the order a bit grating (basically I couldn't look appropriately busy if I was noshing), I'm grateful I didn't have to deal with the Japanese beating-around-the-bush style of issuing imperatives. So to my principal, thank you for dealing with me on my own linguistic terms (culturally, that is; he was speaking in Japanese).
For those who are looking to work with/around/under Japanese people, here's my advice. Ask. If you're not sure whether some need or directive is being tactfully understated, ask. And if you feel adamantly about something, but someone doesn't want to accept a no, or whatever your answer is, stand your ground. Perhaps explain that your answer won't change if they keep asking. Perhaps offer to do something else extra to placate them. But don't get angry. It won't get you anywhere, and it will probably make future interactions way more difficult.
Anywho, here's to bridging the cultural gaps that divide us.
Mata kondo.
P.S. - Please go read Shari's blog. She's a stellar writer and has been in Japan way, way longer than I have.
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