And on to something I've been thinking about.
Pretty much everyone knows that moving from one culture to another brings with it some misunderstandings. A lot of the time, the misunderstandings are due simply to a lack of semantic or contextual comprehension. Those are easy, relatively speaking. A simple explanation of "what I meant was....", and problem solved!
Other times, though, the misunderstanding stems from a deeper, more deeply embedded cultural difference. One of those differences is in regards to apologizing. Allow me an anecdotal example. When I was in one of my earlier college Japanese classes, the subject of social niceties came up. A girl asked the teacher, "So what do you say when someone sneezes?" The teacher answered, "Well, nothing really. In fact, the person who sneezed would probably just apologize or something." The girl said in an affronted tone, "But it wasn't their fault! Why do they need to say sorry?!"
This is the American perception of the purpose of an apology. To us Yanks (I can't speak with any knowledge of other Anglophone countries), to apologize is to admit to some kind of fault, personal failing, or wrong-doing.
In Japanese society, however, apologies serve a different purpose. They really don't have anything to do with admitting guilt. Instead, apologies are a kind of social styptic powder. In other words, when any kind of interruption, disruption, disappointment, etc. occurs, an apology can be used to smooth things over and halt negative feelings from gaining ground. Personal responsibility doesn't necessarily enter into the equation at all. What's more, apologizing is a signal to people that, regardless of whether an apology is warranted, you're thinking about other people's feelings.
Here's another situation. You're late to a meeting because there was a severe traffic jam. You get to the building where you promised to meet. You run inside and take the stairs two by two. You stumble up to the group and begin apologizing profusely, between breaths. This would be a common approach taken by a Japanese person, but an American would more likely start by going into a detailed explanation of the traffic situation. They'd probably finish with a statement to the effect of "It wasn't my fault; there's nothing I could do." The group, if they were Japanese, would be put off by that kind of approach. Why? Because from the Japanese perspective, the American would simply be covering his or her ass, with no regard to fixing the rift that was made. They're not worried about assigning blame. They just want to make sure relations are preserved.
When I said styptic powder, this is what I meant. If you accidentally cut yourself, you wouldn't refuse to bandage the wound because it "wasn't your fault." Whether it's your fault or not, it's still bleeding, and it needs to be treated. That's the approach Japanese society takes to apologizing. It's not about blame, it's about preventing negative feelings from gushing all over the place and making things unhygienic and sticky. Er, so to speak.
What does this mean? If you're going to be around Japanese people for any amount of time, be prepared to apologize a lot, and don't let it feel like you're shouldering some kind personal responsibility. It's just like... a cultural Tums. To ease that dang cultural heartburn that happens when you sneeze and distract someone from what they were doing. Yeah, a different metaphor would probably work better, but you get it right?
Anyway, it's late and I've run out of soapbox steam. Time to turn in!
Mata kondo.
No comments:
Post a Comment